Dada art movement is for Dodos

I have a bone to pick with the so-called "Dada" art movement. Currently on display at the National Art Gallery in Washington D.C. is a tribute to the avant-garde art movement born out of a time of social upheaval and disillusionment in the wake of post-WWI France. The most famous example of Dada art is Marcel Duchamp's urinal turned upside-down, with a moustache, bearing the title "fountain". I'd call it, "urinal turned upside down". I submit that this is not art. If art is anything the artist says it is, then nothing is art. Dada intended its brand of artistic nihilism to be taken as a serious, anti-war statement. How can you critisize a society but claim to stand for nothing at the same time? What the hell am I babbling about and why should you care? Here's why:

"Dadaists want to have it both ways: To thwart aesthetic criticism, they insist that their art is nonsensical and even "anti-art." Yet they also want to be taken seriously, claiming their art has a moral charge to reveal the hypocrisies of their society. What Dadaism represents is the origins of 21st-century moral relativism."

That article is found here and I heartily recommend it to all flappers and Johnny two-timers. Rather than summarize her argument, I will defer to her well articulated criticism of this poo poo shoo shoo foo foo goo.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to listen to crickets play electronica with tiny digital scratch machines.

Rice Enjoys Being Mistaken for Pope

Growing tired of all the backtalk she gets from world leaders in her role as Secretary of State, Dr. Condi Rice has resorted to pretending she is the Pope. Despite the obvious disparities between Ms Rice and the actual Pope, (Ms Rice is a Redskins fan, while the Pope is infallible), Ms Rice nonetheless is generally accepted as the Pontiff, especially when she visits France. Aids to Jaque Chirac did grow suspicious when the "pope" went on and on about how much she likes burgers and apple pie, but Mr Chirac was none the wiser. The meeting ended abruptly when Ms Rice ascended to Heaven to she if she could fool Jesus.

Steve Jobs Reveals his Newest Product

Steve Jobs, in his keynote address at this year's Farm convention in Las Vegas, stunned farmers and tech geeks alike by revealing his latest product: Microscopic Apple iPod Transformer Farmer 2.0.

Dubbed "Mr Microscopic Apple iPod Transformer Farmer" by the california nurse farmers, the product is slated for release just in time for Johnny Appleseed Day Eve.

Reportedly, the new product is so tiny that it can fit in the trunk of your car, even if your car is microscopicly tiny. On top of this it is red in color.

The new device will play up to 100 songs, but will turn into a beast if you press the red button lightly. The beast, once formed, will be smart enough to seek out the tallest building in your town and request reservations to climb up to the roof.

Once on the roof, the beast will design a companion for himself.

Awesome Jokes

What did the bass player say to the mandolin player? You're in big treble.

Where does Rover put his car? In the barking lot.

Who invented cheese? Chuck Cheese.

Stop Drinking Bottled Water

I'm as dumb as the next guy, don't get me wrong. But at least I don't bother with bottled water. I don't even do the Brita filter thing. How many hundreds of millions of dollars (trillions of pennies) do we currently spend on state of the art water filtration plants? (many) How many years of technological innovation did it take to hook up virtually every home in the country with indoor plumbing? (many) How many of your friends recently died or became very ill from drinking tap water? (none). How much did you spend on that bottle of water? You're an idiot. Admit it.

My Latest Painting

The Road to the Final Four

I know as much about college basketball as I know about humans and dogs, which is to say nothing. Why do they brand this tournament with that "Road to the Final Four" crap? I can think of no other sport that places such importance on merely making an appearance in the semi-final game, as if that were the primary goal of the participants. The NFL doesn't market their season as the "road to playing in the conference championship game". Do they? Nor does Major League Baseball entice us to watch the "road to the league championship series". And, last I checked, Microsoft wasn't saying anything close to "Try our tasty software burgers"

New Deli Worker Stuns Safeway Shoppers

The proud but slow deli workers of the local safeway welcomed a new team member today: A large safeway truck. The truck has broken new ground for trucks. How? By becoming a deli worker. The truck makes sandwiches at safeway. No word on whether it has to wear weird pants.

Bdog still kicking?

I wish to propose the following rumour: Bdog is gone. I believe the most likely scenarios are as follows:

1. Bdog fell into a cosmic sausage grinder
2. Bdog moved into the Soviet sphere of influence
3. Bdog struck it rich on Witchitaw switchgrass

Or he may have simply become "irrelavant" like a pentium 300 or whatever. In any case, he will be missed by all...

Does anyone know his ATM pin code?

Apocalyptic YoUDEE mocks WHO measures to stop spread of Asian bird flu

YoUDEE, the lovable fightin' blue hen of the University of Delaware, held a bizarre press conference today in the back of the Ag building by the 'ole Bob Carpenter Center during which he expressed disdain for the WHO's efforts to limit any spread of the Asian bird flu. "Fuck those birds, man--they're so fucking stupid... including me... fuck us all... I hope all birds get this flu 'cause I just don't gives a fuck" said a relentlessly pessimistic YoUDEE. He claimed to be "not at all worried about the bird flu" and "more concerned with Iran, DP Dough, and why the koods haven't returned for a Homecoming since '01." He then flapped his wings furiously as he attempted to take flight, tried next to calm himself down with Chinese green tea before finally ditching that and reprising his role as a tank in the new cartoon, "Boats!". Billy Jean, lead singer of Mr. Green Jeans could not be reached for comment, though no one actually tried to reach him.

Is water food?

Is water food? My professor says yes. I say no. I mean, water is just water. Water is certainly NOT food.

P.S. See earlier related post about Fred, as yet unresolved.

More on this issue here

Sanford and Son-flavored ice cream deemed "unmitigated marketing failure" by top Haagen Daaz official

In a fairly typical press release today, Haagen Daaz announced that its "Sanford & Son"-flavored ice cream failed to elicit any positive reactions from tasters at the annual Rogue Ice Cream Concepts Conference in Dakha, Idaho. The ice cream flavor was supposed to taste like the characters on the popular 70's sitcom, Sanford & Son. "It totally bombed--no one thought it tasted even remotely like those two cats..." said Chet Wackerpulp, Chief Marketing Manager at Haagen Daaz. "I got fired, too..." he sheepishly revealed before your correspondent fell asleep due to too many salty chips.

Buy My Car

Do you want an awesome gray ship? I'm selling my car to the highest bidder. (the bidder most stoned on weed). Please check out the ad on craigslist.

Everyone shut up for 5 minutes

Please be quiet tonight and listen for this dog's speech to start.
Please be quiet tonight and listen for this dog's speech to start.

Mr. Belevedere Suffers Blood Fart Backlash

"Weeeesleeey!!!" Many of you remember the late, great Christopher Hewitt AKA Mr. Belevedere screaming this phrase in the mid-eighties on the hit show "Mr. Belevedere." But many forget that the rest of the cast suffered the horrific sensation of his insatiable blood farts on the set from time to time. "It was incredulous!" recalls Bob Uecker. "He was a legend."

Fuck Your Living Wage

Sowell Says: Fuck Your Living Wage.