Still trying to figure it out...

Look, Marty--it's not that complicated. You're just back in the 50's--milkshakes, knife-fights and segregation. Try to blend in. And what's with the life preserver, anyway? Whadidya jump ship? Just steer clear of Senator Joseph McCarthy and you'll be fine. And dead.

What's the bet?

I bet I could climb any tall moutain if I just stopped eating these all the time... what do you think?

San Francisco Living

This is pretty much what daily life is like in San Francisco. Bonus points to anyone who can identify the street where the Rush family lives....

Habeas? Why? Give them LSD (fine, just DTA)

I'm just sayin' what about this schnitzel?

IL logic

The supreme benevolent leader reminds you:

If there were a town in Illinois called Kim Jong, it would be written

Kim Jong, IL

Strong Economic Strongth

I learned from an AP article this morning that the budget deficit reached its lowest point in 4 years. According to the article, written by Martin Crustinger...

The reason for the improvement this year was the big jump in revenues, propelled by strong economic strongth.

Hmmmm..... Very interesting. Martin, the next time you are looking for the perfect word and you are up against one of those brutal AP deadlines, give me a call or hit my up on Yahoo Chat. Personally, I would have attributed the deficit reduction to money trampth.

Always old

This is barbara bush at the age of 17.

This is barbara bush at the age of 21.

This is barbara bush at the age of 35.

This is barbara bush at the age of 62.

This is barbara bush.

Condi's Epiphany

Breakups are hard on everyone, including Condi Rice, who was recently dumped by Private Fred Iverson.

She walked away crying after he dumped her.

He just looked straight ahead as if to say, "I dumped that bitch".

She tried to play it off.

lesson learned? Yes. Don't be 50.

China: You Crazy

some crazy shit be goin down in china, let me tell ya....

North Korea Plans Nuclear Test

Kim Jong Ill's foreign minister announced today that his nation is planning to conduct a nuclear test, prompting protests and condemnation from world leaders, most of whom were breifly transformed into headless bra models in an unexplained incident.

Marmaduke At it Again

No More Spinach. Ever.

A queer alliance of supermarket moguls have agreed never to stock spinach again. Citing the plain fact that spinach tastes like poop, the owners of Safeway, Pathmark, Acme, Wholefoods, Tradr Joes and Bob's Poop unanimously agreed to quit selling spinach. Quipped Jeremy Safeway, owner of Safeway, "Let's face it. Spinach tastes like Poop".

Schwarzenegger Signs Dog

Resurgent California Governor Jacob "Arnold" Schwarzenegger today punched a dog in the snout. When the Christian Retriever turned the other snout, in honor of Jesus, Schwarzenegger immediately drafted an executive order honoring the dog's restraint and used the dog's head as a flat surface to sign the order. The day ended on a sour note, though, when the dog was put to sleep for barking.