We won't forget you, Crispus

Crispus Atticus is the saddest dude never to eat Crispix cereal. He was so close, though. Don't forget to tell your kids about Crispus today. But wait till there finished with their cereal first or they might choke up with emotion and then choke for real. Whatever, though... they should learn to be more resilient. Kids are so unreliable.

Voltron In 2008

The only reaslistic choice for quazi-autonomous, anthropomorphizing Tigerbots. He plans on expanding the federal government, but only margerinally. Mostly, his policies consist of increasing WD-40 production and massivley widening the inequality gap. He also wants everyone to stop with all the magnet jokes already--HE GETS IT, OKAY!?!?

Poll finds more Americans jealous of other countries' nutso flags

As an American, I love my country and our flag. It's such a fine flag. But there are some nutso flags out there in this world. Check it out:





I mean, what the FUCK?!?! A new Gallup poll released today found that more Americans are getting jealous of other countries' flags these days.*

*Margerine of Error for this poll: Scotch.

Branson still holds grudge

This photo proves that trillionaire gimmick artist richard branson is still pissed at former president clinton, but begrudgingly agreed to help him carry some sign.

According to his agent, branson is pretty much pissed off at everybody right now, but especially the ex-president, because of the whole monica lewinsky thing. Its unclear why his reaction to the decade-old scandal is so delayed.

Pope Fiction

Lots of people were pissed when the pope lifted Tokyo off the ground. But it was funny for catholics living not in Tokyo.

Today's News

Bob Barker Loves Dogs. Surprised? Of course not. His name is barker, which could mean someone who barks, a.k.a. a dog.

Brief Visit by Reagan

Surprising himself more then anyone, Ronald Reagan descended from conservative heaven briefly today to commend black bears for being cool.

"It's about time", opined a drunk mario van peebles at a golf game.

Cold Stone's New Flavor

Coldstone's new flavor is

"elbows and spit"

add lasagna: $6