Ellen Allien, a youngster from a very young part of the universe (Kroadle B-15, Squark Quadrant) took top honors in last night's (two nights ago?) spelling competition on prime-time television. This was the first known instance of a young woman actually doing something that didn't involve burnt toast or tender feelings. The youngster, who, in fact, was an alien, was not, in fact, human. Her four eyes gave her an insane advantage over her pathetically two-eyed humanoid rival teenage mopfaces. Many participants complained that it was even difficult to maintain eye contact with her without feeling "gross." After nearly 3 hours of competition, and the liquidation--literally--of most of her competitors, Ellen clinched the title by spelling the word "zoktelocopolesticily" which is actually the brand name for the most popular cling wrap from Kroadle 14, the neighboring galaxy to Allien's own. As a reward for her bold victory among the humans, her superiors back home will have her made into a fucking waffle with butter and organic maple syrup.
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