Predictions for 2006: part 1

4 full days into the new year, its time to shift our attention once and for all away from 2005, and onward, boldly, to 2006. Clearly, anything can happen in the coming year. But if you're as smart as I am and as dog-gone good a typer as I am, you can just see certain events coming. Read it and weep, sisters and bros. Here is my first vision.

Iran's increasingly vitriolic rhetoric and dangerous nuclear games will be brought to a swift and unsuspected halt when famed covert agent Kirk Gibson (pictured right) starts running around the Iranian countryside with fist pumping, thus rallying their long dormant dodger fans to action. Mr Gibson will be swept into office in a lovely bloodless coup, but will squander all that goodwill when, as his first act, the baseball hero orders the slaughter of all dogs, cats, apes, and humans, ostensibly to cut down on moonshine production.