Fastest Car Ever, but not the Neatest

The 1986 Buick Somerset still ranks as the fastest car ever invented. Proudly driven by this blogger from 1994 through 1999, this car routiinely broke speed records- at one point it broke so many records the the people from Guiness World Records lit their factory on fire. One drawback to owning a buick somerset, aside from the constant death it causes, is it's messiness around the house. Consistently unable to find available parking, I allowed my buick to move in with me in September 1998, giving it the guest bedroom. At first it was great- We watched "Dynasty" together and played frisbee inside my cupboards. But after a while, the somerset started throwing junk all over the apartment. I knew I had to take decisive action, so I slashed its tires, broke its windows, and then drove it to our town's most posh restaurant- "Posh McMastersons", leaving it idling in the parking lot. The somerset was so embarassed as the Mercedes and Rolls Royce jammies drove by. After an hour or so of humiliation, the car finally broke down. The mechanic says it was the transmission. Frankly I don't give a fucking hoot.