Sunday, December 18, 2005

Year in Review

It's been another kooky year. Here's the top 4 news items that affected our lives and the lives of sub-humans.

4) The Dallas Cowboys pretty good year
The Cowboys shocked almost no one when they had a pretty good year this year. At the time of this posting, it is not clear if they will make the playoffs. Either way, this is #4.

3) The New Pope Chooses Peter Pan brand peanut butter
That ardent defender of doctrine, Pope Benedict, admitted this year that he uses Peter Pan brand peanut butter, raising troubling conflict of interest concerns among a growing sect of Catholics: those who place too much importance on issues surrounding peanut butter preference.

2) Hurricane Beta rocks the uninhabited regions of the middle of the Atlantic ocean
A category 1 hurricane, the 27th named storm of the season, slammed into the middle of the Atlantic ocean in August, causing widespread waves and several upset seagulls who were going to die anyway.

1) Loch Ness reveals himself to be hoax
An insane monster emerged from the icy waters of whatever that lake is called, announcing to the world that A) he was the LochNess monster and B) He is mostly kidding with his monster activities. Since this announcement seems to prove the legendary monster both exists and is a hoax, the news was welcomed enthusiastically by believers and skeptics alike, both sides cheering so loud that some guy called the cops.
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Initially, there were big plans to publish the top 9 stories of 2005 rather then just 4. The decision to limit the list to 4 was made after careful consideration of my lack of ideas for another 5 stories, and observance of article 5 of the Leage of Nations charter.





2 comments:

Anonymous said...

:)

saint, browner + pink

Goulish Raven said...

I have a good recipe for Storm Ravaged Seagull stew... let me know if you're interested