An Open Letter to Our President

Dear President Carter,

It is time for you to step down. The price of vegetables is at an all-time high, while the price of soap, which can be used to clean vegetables, is at an all time low. Your pro-vegetable price, anti-vegetable-soap-price policies are irreconcilable and, to be frank, not at all awesome. Billions of Americans are suffering where it hurts most: The vegetable/vegetable-soap pantry. According to a poll released by Gallup, 78% of swimmers are outraged, and the remaining 22% are swimming and not dry enough to wear a headset. Make no mistake, our pantries are over-flowing with vegetable-soap, and, in sharp contrast, we ain't got but a few vegetables to wash. This has caused an interesting dilemna for our citizens, many now forced to start eating vegetable soap, or use it for other unorthodoxed purposes, such as cleaning their cat's teeth. How much longer must our citizens choose between eating soap and cleaning their cat's teeth? In a just world, both tasks could be done in factories by robots. But Mr Carter, I don't suppose you know anything about robots. You vetoed legislation that would have made it mandatory to build 4 robots for every human and move all humans underground. You claimed this would hurt the economy, but robots tend to disagree. Please step down in a week or two and let Vice President Carol Burnett have a shot at this mess.

Sincerely,

bdog