1) Use peanut-butter to get ice out of your hair.2) If your stomach feels a little coca-cola, drink some barf.
3) Know your credit score. If you don't know it, you can calculate it thusly: divide your credit score by (your credit score/your credit score)
4) The glass is not half full, it is totally empty, so fill it with barf.
5) If you get pulled over, tell the cop that you want to check his calibration records. If he's not familiar with that term, reassure him that you don't know what it means either. He will appreciate your candor, and will let you off
with a ticket forcing you to spend eternity in jail.
with a ticket forcing you to spend eternity in jail.
6) If you are checking into a hotel with a fake name, make it a funny fucking ridiculous name. (ie: "Boob Tyler")
7) Never accidentally sit on an eagle.
8) When at a sporting event, remember that the person next to you can tell you are not a spirit.
9) Snack on some chips.
10) tell your dermatologist about that pimple. He'll appreciate the hand-written caligraphy on parchment paper and will send you a feather.
11) click on the google ad links. use the google search bar.
2 comments:
Damn bitch, you must be moving up in the blog world, today's banner ad was google. Or is that part of the blog overhaul I heard you so loudly patting yourself on the back about, you self-congratulating turd-nugget. Here's a new topic: Alan greenspan's replacement. WHo is he? what does he want? Can he be stopped? Please keep us informed...
Post a Comment